The Power of Our Words

“The tongue has the power of life and death”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

At the retreat that I went to last week, I was reminded of the power that our words have on us physically, emotionally and spiritually.    Positive words/thoughts can be uplifting to our bodies and our minds, a blessing to us. Negativite words/thoughts can tear our bodies and our minds down, a curse to us.   I have been trying to train myself to bless my body instead of cursing it.  What this looks like for me is saying and believing things like “I am being healed of cancer.”  Instead of saying “I have cancer”.  This statement may be true BUT when most people hear the word cancer they attach words/emotions like tragic  to it.  So I want to stop proclaiming that I have a tragedy(cancer) but instead that I am being healed of a tragedy(cancer).   

There are a lot of times in life were I may feel overwhelmed or even scared of what is in front of me but instead of getting engulfed by the these negative emotions, I choose to stand on God’s Word which turns these feeling into Peace and Confidence of His Love for me.   I do know that when or if I choose to give into these negative emotions I can find myself slipping into a sadness that feels hard to climb out of.  Jesus says to me “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”  ‭‭John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭NKJV‬‬   Some might ask “how can I know that God will give me peace ?”  The answer is easy, He has remained faithful to me over and over and over again during my life and specifically during this journey to wellness that  I am on right now.  His Peace and Love is life changing and a source of joy for me.  He was faithful to lead me to  the best husband ever.  He was faithful to bless me with two amazing children.   He was faithful to move us across country to these amazing doctors that are here.  He is faithful to meet me where I am at every day.   He has lead other amazing people into my life that show me what the Love of Christ looks like.  

I tell you all this so you can see into my heart and mind as I travel down the road placed before me.  I can do all of the things placed before because of the power of prayer,  the abundance of Love in my life and the faithfulness of a God who is always with me covering me with Peace simply because i just ask for it.  ““Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

As I close I would like to challenge each of you to start blessing yourselves and even more importantly others by choosing words that bless each other and not curse each other.   There is so much power in our thoughts and words.  I remember reading about a study done on plants were plants that were blessed and talked to kindly flourished and plants that were cursed and talked unkindly to actually died.  If this principle is true for a plant, how much more true can it be for us.   Let’s change lives for the better with the power of our tongues.  

Surrender

The phone rang and I was halfway up the stairs so I decided to let it go to voicemail. When I came downstairs, I saw that whomever had called had left a message.   I listenned to the voicemail and several different thoughts started going through my head. One of them being “I don’t want to do this. “.  The phone call was from the radiology department at the facility I go to for all of the cancer treatments. They were calling because my oncologist, Dr. O’Malley, and my neurosurgeon, Dr. Ryan, had suggested that they give me a call.  They were wanting me to set up an appointment with them so I can go over “options” with Dr.  Song, the  radiologist I spoke with right before and right after my brain surgery last year. 

So many emotions went through me and I instantly felt overwhelmed. Holding back tears, I told myself “be strong”  you don’t want to freak the girls out.  Jonathan was working the late shift.  I knew it wouldn’t be long before the girls would be in bed and then I could spent some time praying and hashing it out with God.  Once the girls were tucked in bed, I headed downstairs, rolled up my sleeves and “put on” my boxing gloves.    

I wasn’t angry with God but I was overwhelmed, frustrated and saddened by this phone call and what could come next.   I was overwhelmed by feeling like I needed to fix this situation and carry the burden of it all by myself.   I was frustrated because “dang it” things were going good.  Why can’t they stay that way?  I was saddened because of my girls.   They are my life and they need me.   I hashed it out with God through many tears.   I asked many questions and expressed many concerns.  I poured my heart out to the Father.   He listened and comforted me.  He brought to mind many of Hos promises and reminded of His Love. 

After a period of time, I realized that I didn’t need to fix this or even carry the burden at all.  I decided at that moment to surrender it all to God.  To give it to Him and let Him fix it and let Him carry the burden for me.  I decided to give my future back to Him.  The amazing most wonderful part of this was that when I did surrender to Him a peace washed over me that wasn’t there before.   All the emotions I was feeling were gone.   I was feeling nothing but peace and gratitude. .  It was really that simple. Just surrender.  Just trust.  Just believe.  I am confident the Father has a plan.  I will continue to seek Him every step of the way.  I will continue to lean on Him and the people He has placed in my life.  I will continue to take each day one day at a time and enjoy every moment with my loved ones.  I am blessed with so many blessing and so much love.  

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.””

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:29-30‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

““I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!”

‭‭John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭TPT‬‬

These Two

EVERYTGING I do I do for these two.   My purpose in life has always been the same thing, to be a mommy.  There is no other honor I would  rather have in my entire life.   No other privilege more worthy than this one.  There is no amount of money, fame or fortune that could replace the awesomeness of being mommy to these two.  They are my inspiration, my Hope and my Joy.  Not a day goes by that I don’t look into the wondrous eyes and see the reflection of unconditional love.  I sit is awe at thei
r greatness, purity, kindness, compassion, innocence, and love that they naturally and effortlessly pour out to those around them.  They show me and teach me so much.   

One of the biggest lessons or ideas that they have taught me about is the unconditional Love of Christ.  My heart wells up with so much love when I see my girls do kind things for each other.   My heart wells up with so much pride when I see them stick their necks out for each other even in the midst of an argument with each other because mommy tries to help out with clearing things up but they just want to be sure that each other is being treated fairly.   I am reminded daily, sometimes hourly and even more so sometimes by the minute (through these two) that Christ himself feels the same way about us, His Children.   That the things that matter to Him is our kindness and love towards each other even when we don’t agree with what each other are saying.  Being able to lay down our own selfish desires and the need to be right and look to the person across from us because we love them because they are a person with feelings, hopes and dreams and show them love. 

There is so much going on in this world.   So many things that feel so out of control and crazy.  Things that we can’t fix or control because they are just out of our grasp BUT one thing that we can control is ourselves.   We can control our responses, the way we treat others.   We can choose to truly stop and listen to what people are saying.   We can learn to understand each other.   Understanding doesn’t mean that you have to agree, understanding is just showing someone compassion for the situation they are currently in.   LOVE and KINDNESS are how we can change this world.   I am ready to step up to the plate.   I am ready to really listen.   I am ready to make a difference by “killing the evil” in this world with kindness and love.   Are you???   Lets make a difference starting today, one person at a time.   

A Road in the Wilderness

“Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43:19‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I read this scripture on New Year Day and it spoke volumes to me.   The part that caught my attention was “I will make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert”.   Wow!!   

Usually when you are in the wilderness there is a good chance of getting lost because there is no clear path but here God says he will make a road(path) for you to follow in the wilderness.  When you are in the desert you are often thirsty and hot.  Water is  not “around every corner”.   God says that He will make a river in the desert.   I feel like this scripture is once again reminding me that their is always Hope!  With God there is always a way.   He can and will supply you with what you need in every situation in your life.  Whether it be courage, strength, hope, a clear road (path) or a river to quench your thirst.  As I am writing this I feel like this scripture can encourage me (and perhaps others) that God makes a way in every area of my life, as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend or a stranger.   

Jonathan, the girls and I have been incredibly blessed with our recent move to Washington.  The hardest part about moving for me was leaving a place were I knew lots of people and had many dear friends who were like family and moving somewhere were I knew only one family.   I miss those close relationships with those people and their families.  But I read this scripture and I am reminded that God will make a path.  He will make a way.   Sometimes His timing looks different than ours.  Somethings we have other things to learn about our lives and ourselves as we travel down those paths that He places before us.  I am learning to be grateful for these paths (or some people call them seasons) that I walk (sometimes crawl, skip, run or am carried) through.   They not only teach me a lot about who I am.  They also teach me a lot about who others are in my life.  Most importantly they teach me about who God is.  

One of the things I have learned along the way is that God Will never leave nor forsake me.  (Hebrews 13:5)  No matter what is going on in my life.  No matter how big or how small I am never ever alone.  He is right there by my side.  There is nothing to fear because He has overcome it all.  In the mist of the biggest storms in my life, He has ALWAYS shown Himself true to me.   He has always shown me love and compassion.  He has always been generous with giving me peace.  He is very real to me.   

He has been made even more real to me over the last three years.   I understand that some people don’t understand how I can remain so faithful to God when He hasn’t healed my physical body (YET!).   He has done so much more.   He has healed my mental self and also my spiritual self.   Honestly, i feel richer just knowing that i can find joy in a life that feels so complicated sometimes.  I would take that over having a healthy body but no joy.  He has placed a path before me that has allowed me to remain an active part of my girls lives.   He has healed my body 90% more than it was three years ago.  He has placed doctors in my path that have helped this happen.  He has given me a support system of Family and friends that have helped carry me through all of the “ups and downs”.   He has remained faithful.  Sometimes the path we travel down doesn’t look ANYTHING like what we thought it would (hahaha, can any of us honestly say that we are exactly were we thought we would be) but what I can say with confidence is that the road is bearable and even wonderful when you allow the Lord to guide you, mold you and change you.  

Great Love, Great Joy, Great Peace

Life is definitely full of twists and turns and many "surprises".  I can truly say that it isn't ever boring and I am definitely being kept on my toes.   Each day is an opportunity for me to do better...to be a better person.   My ups and (especially) my downs have taught me many things and one of those is to keep my eyes forward but not to completely forget the past because it is the past that has brought me to this moment and this moment is an opportunity for great love, great joy and great peace.   

As I sit here (recovering from surgery) listening to my daughters playing some silly game in the other room with there Pa (Jonathan's dad). I am filled with great love because my girls are being loved by those that love them.  I am filling with great joy because their giggles are contagious and remind me to remember the little things.  I am filled with great peace because my girls are being well looked after and are in "good hands".  

I have been thinking a lot about my blood relatives, my "in-law" family and my friends that are family and I have drawn one conclusion.   I am VERY BLESSED.  I wish I could move all these people that mean so much to me into one location.  (Not many people can say that but I would truly be blessed to have them all near by).  The holiday season is usually a time of year where I get a little sad because too many of you are too far away but this year (although these surgeries are a pain) they have allowed for me to see more of all of you.  And next year my year is already booked with a trip to Kentucky, the Oakland Area, and my sister is coming to Florida.  All of this happens by April.  My heart is full of so much love.  A piece of you is in my heart and in my children's heart.  You each bring so much richness to our lives.  Thank you so much for all that you do and who you are to us.  We are definitely counting our blessings and the number is high.   

HOPE, JOY and LOVE

As you can imagine (especially over the last 1 1/2 years while I have been fighting cancer), the thought of my mortality has crossed by mind a few times.  And each time I think about it (let's be honest we ALL think about it), I have come to the same conclusion.   And that conclusion is that we are all dying and really NONE of us have any idea when our last day will be.  And usually what I say to myself is "Self, how do you want to spend your life on Earth?" And my answer is always, "Filled with joy and loving those around me the best I can."   You see I understand three things.  

Number one, my battle with cancer is NOT a "death sentence".  I actually believe it is a new "lease on life" -  a reminder that as I live out the rest of my life, I want to do it the best I can, living each day "making the best" of what I've got.  And what I've got is an amazing husband, 2 wonderful daughters and many family and friends that care about us.  

The second thing that I understand is what good does it do to mope around "waiting to die".  In all reality whether you are 100% healthy or your body is failing you, None of us know when our last day will be. We can all live just a few more weeks or 20 + years.  We could actually all just be moping around right now waiting for "our day to come" or we can choose to leave a legacy of Joy, Hope and Love for those around us instead of "gloom and doom".  My inspiration to remember joy, hope and love are named EstherJOY and NaomiHOPE.   Interestingly enough I get to be reminded of JOY and HOPE throughout the day, every time I look at them or say their names.  I want them to understand that each day is a day to rejoice and that each day is a day to bless others, sometimes with physical things but even more importantly with our attitudes and humility.  And sometimes we simply bless each other with a hug.  Hope can be giving someone you see on the street $10 so they can get their next meal.  Joy can be smiling at a stranger so that they know that someone sees them and thinks they are wonderful.   Love can be giving a hug to someone who is having a rough day so they can be reminded of what love feels like.  HOPE.  JOY.  LOVE.  

The third thing that I know is that the Lord loves me.  He loves those that I love (each and every one of you) and He loves all the people I don't know too.  That Love is what reminds me that my life has purpose, my life has meaning and my life can change lives.   I want my life to change lives.   I want people to look at me and ask  "how do you do it? How do you stay so strong?"  So I can tell them that it is not "me" that makes me strong but the love that the Lord has for me that gives me strength.   It is also the love of family and friends that give me strength.   None of us can do life alone.   We were not created to live life alone.  We were created for relationships.  Look around you and count your blessings.   I am sure that there are many around you whether they come in the form of hope, joy or love.  They are there.  You are loved.  

The Day My Life Changed Forever

18 months ago I found out that I did in fact have breast cancer, the diagnosis was just a confirmation for what I was actually already feeling to be true. You see when your mother, grandmother and great grandmother all die from breast cancer and you find a lump, you suspect the worst to be true. I can't remember the exact date or the exact time but I can tell you exactly how I felt at the time of the diagnosis- numb. There was so much information being thrown at my husband and I that I am not sure there was time to feel anything else. As the days went by and a "game plan" was put into place THAT was when the emotions were able to surface... anger, fear and sadness. Did I mention that I have two beautiful amazing daughters?  At the time of the diagnosis they were 20 months and 3 1/2 years old. All these emotions I was feeling weren't for me but instead for my daughters. All of the "what ifs" started to creep into my mind. "What if I didn't get to see my girls get married?' "What if I didn't get to see them graduate from high school?" "What if I didn't even see them start school?" What will happen to them? How will they feel? I know that if something happens to me I will be in heaven. But the thought of my girls suffering the loss of their mother and possibly at an age that they didn't understand what is happening brought me to tears, sobbing tears. It still does. About a week after the diagnosis I knew I needed to have a "heart-to-heart" with God. I knew if I was to move forward -to fight this -to beat this, I needed to be at peace with all of this. God and I hashed it out. It took a few days, lots of honesty from me and allowing myself to really "hear from God".    When I walked away from this talk with God, I had a "peace that surpassed all understanding" (which I still have today) and a promise from God that this trial, this diagnosis would bring many great blessings into my life (and those lives around me). From that day forward I had much to look forward to. I knew there would be a lot of hard, messy days but I also knew that there would be much more beauty than sadness.

Within two weeks of being diagnosed, my sister and I had a better relationship than we have had in our adult lives. It continues to only get better. Within a few months of being diagnosed, my relationship with a friend that I had been enstranged from for a few years was restored. We will have known each other for 20 years this August. Over the past year, I have learned to cherish every moment with my girls -to take in every moment, each step of the way. I have learned that it really doesn't matter who is "right" but more important to see and understand each other. I have learned that my husband is even more amazing and selfless than I ever thought possible. I have learned to lean on people who are here to help. I have learned that this world is full of many amazing people who fill my life (and my family's life) with such joy and love. I have learned that no matter how far away someone lives, I can feel their love as if they are right by my side. I have learned that the Lord will never leave me nor forsake me.

If someone asked me today, "Would you change this season of your life?", I would reply, "On one hand, of course I would like to be cancer free". To never have had to endure chemo, neck surgery, a double mastectomy, losing my hair, and radiations. To never have had to ponder my kids living without me.   BUT on the other hand, my answer would be "no I wouldn't change it". If I did I might have missed out on so much beauty, restored relationships, and those quiet precious moments with my girls and husband (they would have still happened, I just might not have "seen" them the way I do now).  The reality is, life is fragile no matter who you are or what you come up against. It can end at any time, so what is the point in dreading this season I am in. I choose to live my life, each day to the fullest - filled with love, hope, joy and PEACE."