Surrender

The phone rang and I was halfway up the stairs so I decided to let it go to voicemail. When I came downstairs, I saw that whomever had called had left a message.   I listenned to the voicemail and several different thoughts started going through my head. One of them being “I don’t want to do this. “.  The phone call was from the radiology department at the facility I go to for all of the cancer treatments. They were calling because my oncologist, Dr. O’Malley, and my neurosurgeon, Dr. Ryan, had suggested that they give me a call.  They were wanting me to set up an appointment with them so I can go over “options” with Dr.  Song, the  radiologist I spoke with right before and right after my brain surgery last year. 

So many emotions went through me and I instantly felt overwhelmed. Holding back tears, I told myself “be strong”  you don’t want to freak the girls out.  Jonathan was working the late shift.  I knew it wouldn’t be long before the girls would be in bed and then I could spent some time praying and hashing it out with God.  Once the girls were tucked in bed, I headed downstairs, rolled up my sleeves and “put on” my boxing gloves.    

I wasn’t angry with God but I was overwhelmed, frustrated and saddened by this phone call and what could come next.   I was overwhelmed by feeling like I needed to fix this situation and carry the burden of it all by myself.   I was frustrated because “dang it” things were going good.  Why can’t they stay that way?  I was saddened because of my girls.   They are my life and they need me.   I hashed it out with God through many tears.   I asked many questions and expressed many concerns.  I poured my heart out to the Father.   He listened and comforted me.  He brought to mind many of Hos promises and reminded of His Love. 

After a period of time, I realized that I didn’t need to fix this or even carry the burden at all.  I decided at that moment to surrender it all to God.  To give it to Him and let Him fix it and let Him carry the burden for me.  I decided to give my future back to Him.  The amazing most wonderful part of this was that when I did surrender to Him a peace washed over me that wasn’t there before.   All the emotions I was feeling were gone.   I was feeling nothing but peace and gratitude. .  It was really that simple. Just surrender.  Just trust.  Just believe.  I am confident the Father has a plan.  I will continue to seek Him every step of the way.  I will continue to lean on Him and the people He has placed in my life.  I will continue to take each day one day at a time and enjoy every moment with my loved ones.  I am blessed with so many blessing and so much love.  

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.””

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:29-30‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

““I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!”

‭‭John‬ ‭14:27‬ ‭TPT‬‬